


Destiel is a mess

by Izzy2004



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M, regular world au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-28
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-08 00:31:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11635185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Izzy2004/pseuds/Izzy2004
Summary: Dean cheats on cassasssssss





	1. The beginning

I love dean, anybody can see that? But do I love him to much, have I been restricting him. I didn't realize that it was that bad living with me . I should have payed more attention to him, I should have noticed how he was feeling maybe I could of called this off before now. Before he had to cheat on me..

I told Charlie and she was mad, really mad. She wanted to go down to dean's Mechanic shop and punch him in the face. Or at least that's what she said, but I wasn't mad at dean. I was mad at myself, Dean started getting home later than normal. He was probably with Lisa. I knew that they had dated but I never thought it would start up again. 

But from those messages old love had started up again. I wanted to be mad at her but how could I. In those messages she kept telling him "what about cas?" or "we can't do this anymore, i don't want to hurt castiel!" but dean continued to tell her how he wasn't happy with me. How "he was tired of coming home to me everyday". 

I'm still try to process the fact that he would say that. He was my everything. He is my everything, I turned my back on my highly religious family for him. My sister Anna can't even look me in the eye, knowing that i'm married to a man. I gave up everything for him and it still wasn't enough. I wasn't enough for dean winchester . Jesus, i'm such a fucking screw up. 

I was just sitting there watching Tv and drowning myself in Alcohol. When I hear the door open , and look it's Dean fucking Winchester! I'm glad he doesn't say anything because I don't want to talk to him. What would I even say to someone who's probably been fucking Lisa for hours. I mean he supposed to get off at 8 maybe 9:30 if he's running late . But it's 11 o'clock , and he's been staying out this late for 2 weeks. 

I fell asleep on the couch, I woke up freezing. Even those normal cute jesters are gone. A year after we got married I might've woken up to a blanket on me or a dean snuggled up next to me. Not anymore, I'm freezing and he's already left. The house is the exact same way I left it, Tv on, lights all off. I walk toward our room the only thing different is the blankets are all sloppy. Like he left in a hurry or didn't care. But i expect that , he's never been a clean guy. There is a wet towel hanging on the our bathroom door. 

So he took a shower. Our wedding picture on his nightstand is laying flat down where no one can see it. I didn't realize how something so small can hurt so much. A tear falls from my eye , I wipe it quickly almost like I'm afraid someone might see. Except i'm alone, I am Alone. That sentence alone causes my eyes to tear up more. I walk into the bathroom, i remember fighting over which color we should paint the bathroom. I wanted blue and he wanted green. That was a good day, despite our argument over the color. I remember throwing blue paint at him, And him throwing green paint. He tackled me and we had sex right here in the middle of the bathroom. We left the bathroom this color. White walls with blue and green splotches everywhere. 

I slide onto the floor, as the tears come pouring out. I pick up dean's shirt and stuff my face in it trying to find the smell of the man I fell in love with. His shirt, it smelled like her. Even in my own house I couldn't escape her. I opened the pill cabinet, Pulling the right prescription out. I poured the pills out into my hand. I was about to swallow them when I heard someone scream ." Dean! Cas! you home! " 

It was Sam, He did not need to see me like this. Dean's little brother, I mean he's not little anymore. But he would definitely tell dean. That's something I really didn't need. I tried putting the pills up fast but I was shaking and I dropped them. Sam came into the bathroom, and he would have to be an idiot to not understand what i was just trying to do.

"Cas , what were you doing?" I knew he understood what was happening. That's when I realized what I was about to do. I didn't want to end my life, why would I think like that. "I think you know sam" I said as the tears started down my face again. He hugged me , which was weird . Me and him have never hugged or been this close. But in that moment he hugged me, and when he finally got me to calm down he brought me into the living room. He then set me on the couch and grabbed his phone. I already knew who he was calling. He was calling Dean.


	2. End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel is not as much of a mess as we thought

*Cas pov* 

I was sitting there, it was very silent like nobody wanted to talk . Which is understandable, I don't even know why Sam had decided this was a good idea . I was stuck in a room with Sam, and Dean. 

I didn't want to talk, in fact I didn't want to do much of anything. Dean was looking at his lap. He reminded me of a little kid, except he wasn't and this wasn't a little kid situation. Everyone in the room knew what I just tried to do an hour ago . 

I had to speak up and settle this .  
"Guys, don't worry. I'm not going to hurt myself . So what if Dean's cheating on me . It's something I can get over" I chuckled nervously. 

DEAN POV  
What the actual fuck. Why would Cas talk about this like it's something that happens all the time . He's treating this like it's an everyday situation .  
I'm not mad at him though, I'm mad at myself. Seeing him here, knowing that he attempted to hurt himself . It broke me down, you don't realize how much you love someone until they're almost not yours . 

"I'm sorry Cas, but don't talk like that. I never meant to hurt you . And I never meant for you to hurt yourself . I'm just so sorry"  
Why would he forgive me. I really did hurt him . I basically threw our marriage away . I was so sorry words can't even explain it . Jesus, me dean winchester not worth anything, a piece of dirt. 

Had the audacity to hurt him, he was perfect compared to me . And I hurt him, the one thing I promised I would never hurt and I did just that .  
"Please can you ever forgive me?" 

CAS POV  
Is he really sorry? I wanted to forgive him and take him in my arms, and just love him . But his words hit me like a truck. I wasn't angry and i don't think i could be, not at him.  I also knew that i loved him so much.

  I also loved myself too, i couldn't continue to sit here and let this happen to me. "Dean, will you stop seeing her?" He didn't answer, i felt that his silence was his answer. It's okay cas you can do this . "Dean if you love her, then I'm not going to stay around .

I almost killed myself, i cant stay here and let you continue to hurt me. Or i actually may end up killing myself." I felt like i was suffocating and not in the good way, not how it was when we started dating . How his love suffocated me, consumed me. This suffocation, made me want to die . I had to be strong, i couldn't kill myself because of this . "Dean, I'm leaving. I can't continue to hurt myself by being with you." I got up and reached for my keys and i went and packed some clothes . He didn't try to stop me, he simply just sat there in silence.  Closing that door was probably the hardest thing i have ever done. 

I wasn't mad at him, i wasn't angry at anyone. If anything i was mad at this situation, this isn't how it was supposed to happen . I was supposed to be happy . I wasn't crying and i wasn't going to cry . He made his choice and i have made mine. 

DEANS POV

You really don't notice how much you need someone until they are gone . I didn't realize how cold and dead our house could feel without him . Without my family.  Every morning i felt like he should be here. 

I severely screwed things up, but no matter how many times i tried to talk to him, no matter how many times i say I'm sorry . He won't listen, and i don't blame him. I'm not with lisa anymore, she wasn't really important anyway, just a senseless fuck. I missed him, he won't even look in my direction . 

He looks happy, with his friends and just continuing his life . He says he could never make me happy, because there is something deeply wrong with me . I know what he's saying is true . I know that i shouldn't of cheated, that there was never a reason to do that to him . I loved him, i love him . I know that i could never make him happy . I also know that something extremely fucked up is wrong with me . I just have to live with the decisions I've made . I just have to live with the emptiness this house now holds . How i sit and eat tv dinners and watch terrible shows .

How this whole house was designed to our taste . That there is a little bit of him everywhere. How sometimes i have hallucination of him sitting on the couch.  I can't even sleep in out bed anymore . It reminds me of him and the life i should have.  I don't know whether i was born like this, or that i have some crazy daddy issues.  I just am a screwed sad man, and my sunlight, the one thing that made me happy . 

I even drove my Angel away from me.  It's sad that hes gone, but he didn't take his memories. He leaves me with such immense pain, but i diserve it. This is what he felt when i was out with stupid sluts . He was at home feeling like this .


End file.
